Remember as a child when the very thought of sharing a bed with another person was just too gross to process? And then those angst-ridden teenage years – wondering if you ever would have a ‘bed-mate’?
If you survived both phases and now have a significant other to wrestle over (and under) the duvet with, congratulations! But, don’t go ordering that big dress or fancy tux just yet… While every couple is unique, psychologists agree that the position you sleep in after lights out can say a lot about the state of your relationship.
It’s when we’re in a state of sleep that we are at our most vulnerable and relaxed – and that power-plays, hidden secrets and true intimacy are all revealed…
Back-to-back with a gap in-between
If you’re rocking this less-than-raunchy, but oh-so-practical configuration, don’t invest in couple’s counselling just yet! It may look like the aftermath of an almighty slanging match, but the experts say that this no-contact position actually speaks volumes about your connectivity. You feel secure in your relationship, yet are appropriately independent. Back-to-back with bums touching? That’s for couples who want to stay sexually connected.
Your partner is on their back with a protective arm curled around your head; you’re gazing upwards lovingly – the Kim Kardashian to their Kanye West. Assuming you’re not ejected five minutes later due to circulation problems, your partner is making a classic protector power-play. “I have the power and I am using it to protect you,” interprets body-language expert and author of Success Signals, A Guide to Reading Body Language, Patti Wood.
Curled up to them in the foetal position? This signifies dependency. Head on the chest with the rest of your body sprawled? “You want to make decisions for yourself,” she explains.
Are you one of those couples who finish each other’s sentences? Do you have a joint Facebook account? A peek round your bedroom door in the small hours is likely to reveal a mass of arms and legs. Like a pair of pro wrestlers, you’re entangled from head-to-toe – and the same goes for your emotional ties, too. You can’t get enough of each other, even while you’re asleep! “It means your lives are intertwined; that you function as a pair,” adds Woods.
Your unconscious mind wants to look your partner in the eye all night. If this is new for you, it could mean that he or she has a hidden desire to reconnect with you either emotionally or intimately.
Big spoon vs little spoon
If you’re the big spoon, you’re most likely to be a protector. Or, if your sub-conscious is overwhelmingly insecure, it could verge more towards ‘Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction’. The ‘little spoon’ is a “very vulnerable position that’s sexual, but says: ‘I trust you,’” says Woods.
Trouble at work… emotional difficulties… they’re all reasons your partner could suddenly take to sleeping on their stomach. It’s a sign of vulnerability or anxiety. Shuffle over and cosy up to them – help them to feel protected.
Different distances from the headboard
The closer you are to your headboard, the more dominant you feel in the relationship. If you’re languishing lower down, so is your self-esteem. Couples who sleep equally distant are on the same page. If you’re prone to touching heads, you have achieved the dream: a meeting of body and mind.